Tuesday, September 19, 2006

lgf: More Torture Horror Techniques

Ha! LOL!

lgf: More Torture Horror Techniques

A world exclusive from Jim Treacher: Secret CIA interrogation techniques revealed!

America’s shame just keeps growing.

The Faux Shirt Stain: Interrogator points at suspect’s chest: “Look, you’ve got something on your shirt.” When suspect looks down, interrogator brings up index finger, tweaking suspect’s nose. Interrogator laughs. This grievous affront, a loss of honor in the eyes of Allah, administers massive psychic trauma to suspect. Repeat as needed.

The Urkel: Suspect is locked in room lined with 72-inch plasma screens showing non-stop Family Matters episodes featuring ‘90s “urban nerd” Steve Urkel. Longest recorded breaking time: 2.3 hours.

The Echo: Interrogator repeats all of suspect’s statements in snotty voice...

Suspect: All unbelievers will fall before the sword of Allah!
Interrogator: [Flouncing about room in effeminate fashion] All unbelievers will fall! Before the sword! Of Allah! Who is my boyfriend! Pppbbbbbbhhht!!
Interrogator’s failure to be struck down instantly places suspect under extreme psychological stress. In case of emergency, interrogator may deploy Nyah-Nyah-Nyah Protocol.


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