UK: Look Out For People Doing Things

Look Out For People Doing Things. (Hat Tip: LGF)

London - British public safety officials today increased the national alert level to “Quite Elevated Indeed” — the highest category possible — and appealed to UK citizens to “keep a sharp lookout for diverse people engaged in activities.”

“We ask the public to report any behaviors by various people that may or may not be of a suspicious nature,” said Lt. Clive Jameson of the Metropolitan Police Service. “We further ask the public to be especially vigilant for activities of broad stratas of people who may be from countries of some sort, especially those within the eastern and/or western hemisphere.”

The elevated alert levels come on the heels of a week when London and Glasgow narrowly escaped potential events that intelligence experts say may have been related to diverse groups of people doing things. Initially police had specifically asked the public for information relating to doctors driving automobiles, but that initial warning brought angry denunciations from the British Medical Association and the UK Automobile Association.

“This directive unfairly singles out and targets British medical professionals, a great many of whom are loyal and patriotic citizens,” complained Dr. Hamish Meldrum, chairman of the BMA. “The fact that some of the people involved in the recent unfortunate events may have been doctors is totally coincidental, just as if they had been accountants, plumbers, or random members of a deranged apocalyptic religious cult.”

Sir Trevor Chinn, Chairman of the UKAA, warned that the earlier directive would “spark a backlash against the British motoring community and promote a climate of fear and carophobia.”

On Tuesday, new British Prime Minister Gordon Brown met with representatives of the medical and car communities and announced that the government would henceforth prohibit occupational and transportational profiling by public officials. Brown said further government communications would prohibit the use of certain prejudicial words like “doctor,” “Vauxhall,” “podiatrist,” “propane,” “Asia,” “drive,” “ticking noises,” “panic,” and “the.” Brown also announced the formation of a blue ribbon multicultural community advisory board chaired by Dr. Mohammed Ibn-Yasin of the UK Islamic Podiatric and Car Bombing Club.